More than just a pretty face

More than just a pretty face.

It was on a recent ministry trip that God gave me a revelation of my wife and the young girls of this generation. One morning when I woke, I don’t know what got into me, but when I looked at her, I saw something different, something that I hadn’t stopped long enough to notice; something beyond the obvious. You have to understand, my wife is a stay at home wife. She takes care of our home, teaches school to our three children and has to somehow stay afloat married to me. Yet beyond her work which I would never desire for myself, there lies a godly woman, a woman who gets up early every day to seek God, who doesn’t skip reading her Bible, and who has a very sensitive conscience when it comes to the things of God, especially sin. But strange as it is, these things are the things least spoken of between us. Usually when I speak of her, it has something to do with her beauty, her butt, or something that has to do with the physical. Yes, I know, those are good things as she is my wife and I am passionately in love with her, but it has been far too long since I have stopped to notice that my wife is so much more than just a pretty face.

Maybe I can blame it on society or maybe it’s just my own warped flesh, but when I look at her, the thing most obvious is what’s on the outside. Normal, yet any half-way intelligent person can tell you that the outside can be deceptive, the real value is inside. Nobody gets all excited about the way a present is wrapped. They wait until they unwrap the present to see if the gift inside is worth getting excited about. But when was the last time you heard someone, other than another woman, talking about what was inside of a woman, her character traits, or that she cares for her house and children well? We usually only hear about her house if it has been declared a national disaster area or her kids after they burn down the local library, but to hear something positive is rare indeed. I remember when I was a teenager and my mom would begin to talk about some girl my age when out of nowhere would come the dreaded phrase, “She has a real nice personality,” code for “she’s really ugly and run for your life”. Yeah, I can be pretty shallow. But, that’s what society values in women and it has taught us to value. If she’s pretty, she is valued and pushed out front for everyone to see, like some trophy. But is she is less than Covergirl pretty, she has a bright future ahead of her as someone’s secretary, because a nice voice over the telephone can cover up what lacks in the face. And unfortunately, this is what has been passed on to this generation of young women all worried about their bodies, their hair and their faces.

Recently in my home, I have noticed an abnormal preoccupation in my wife regarding her weight, gray hair and other oddities. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that she is approaching forty quicker than she wants to. Personally I don’t know what she’s so worried about; gray hairs would be welcomed guests on my head that seems to lacking more and more hair each day regardless of the color. There is something that you need to know about my wife, she is beautiful, not your average, “Yeah, she’s pretty”, but truly beautiful, and she has the complete package with a very blessed figure. And maybe that’s part of the problem. She’s afraid of losing what she’s always had, what has always been a big part of her identity, leaving her very different. And for this I asked her forgiveness that morning. I realized that I am partly to blame for this worry that she now has in her life; I, who only speak of her beauty and body and whistle every time she passes by. Unfortunately her value has been reduced to something carnal and temporary. Even before this, her situation was a bit complicated as she grew up in California, the plastic capital of the world, where beaches, bikinis and beautiful bodies are the currency of the hour. And she grew up being complimented because of her beauty resulting in her errantly believing that her role as a woman in this world was to make it a more beautiful place, like an ornament on some cosmic Christmas tree. Then as a teenager it became a bit more complicated for her as she struggled with anorexia in an inexhaustible attempt to attain and maintain the perfect figure. She finally got to a point of being dangerously thin and endangering her health, but God thankfully helped her.

Allow me to say that I think that there is something desperately wrong when the value of a woman is for the most part connected to her beauty and not who she is. We see this so clearly when hear parents talking of their kids or listen to ourselves speaking of ours, “Our kids are beautiful,” or “She is so pretty,” or “Your kids are beautiful.” I guess you get the point, but let’s be honest, “So what?” Everyone is going to get old one day, get fat, lose their hair, and plenty of women are one day going to find themselves putting their hand in their pocket in order to adjust their bra. So what? Have we no more value than that? Are we nothing more than a couch that after years of sitting on it begins to sag and is one day thrown out? How true it is that man looks on the outside. True, yet wrong, superficial. We need be more like God and look on the inside.

1Sa 16:7; But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Wouldn’t it be nice to hear people saying things like, “My daughter is a godly young woman, she loves Jesus with all of her heart,” independent of her face. But this is not the world that we live in. Even so, I can still try to change my world. My wife and my daughters will know that they are beautiful because that’s important to them, but they will also understand that what’s most important is not outward beauty, but a heart after God.

1Pe 3:3-5; Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. That is the way the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.

After asking my wife to forgive me for having been so shallow with her for 16 years, I told her that she is so much more than just a pretty face, that she is a woman of God, faithful, loyal, a good mother and intelligent. I can’t say for certain, but judging by the tears that began to flow, I suspect that it was the first time that someone stopped long enough to notice and compliment her on something other than her beauty. I have now made a commitment to her and to myself to each day tell her of something of value that I see in her. This may seem strange, but she needs to know of and hear these things and I need to notice.

It’s sad when the value of a large part of God’s creation has been so reduced and twisted. Ask yourself why such young girls today are using makeup and wearing clothing that leave nothing to the imagination. They are simply playing the part that society has told them is theirs, they are decorations to be judged and admired or rejected. But this is not God’s opinion of them or what His word tells us. God didn’t put anyone on this earth to be decoration. A woman has her own specific part to play that is hers and only hers. The Bible speaks of the role of women in Titus 2:3-5, the role of the older women (not always old women) and the roles of the younger ones.

Titus 2:3-5; Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

This is the Biblical role of the woman, where she will most feel complete in her life. God created the woman to come alongside of her husband, helping him and taking care of her home and children. No, I am not a male chauvinist; I am only citing what the Bible says. If you don’t like it, talk to God. Your fight is with him, not me. And this is an old fight. The world has been attacking the Word of God in this area for years. Yet still, this doesn’t change what is written.

A short time ago, my wife took our kids to the doctor and filling out the forms, she had to respond to, “What is you profession?” She put down “Mom, I take care of my home.” After she turned it in, the girl at the desk called her back to question her as to her profession. “What is that you do?” And Lisa responded, “I am a mom. I take care of my home.” “But you can’t put that down. That doesn’t count.” And here we find out exactly what the world thinks. “That doesn’t count.” And this is the message that young girls have been receiving for years. Being a mother isn’t something of value. Raising your kids doesn’t count. Worse, these are things looked down upon. “Oh, you don’t work?” Yeah right. “Don’t be just a mom. Do something useful with your life. Go to college, get you own job, earn your own money, be your own person.” Society respects that. And for exactly this reason we see so many young moms abandoning their homes and families in order to go back and study or work so that they can feel valued and be seen as an important and productive member of society. God help us. What is to become of these kids being abandoned in daycares? Society will one day pay for this and the price is going to be much more that it ever expected; all of this so that a mother can please and receive the approval from the very thing that in the end she will one day destroy. There is nothing more important and needed in the life of a child than his mother her involvement in his life.

I understand the pressure that a young girl feels to go to college and “be somebody”. I hear all of the ignorant comments made everyday by ignorant people in regards to this. Society, and many times the church itself, are telling them to “be someone, to do something, to have your own profession, your own money, your own identity and not just that of the wife of so and so or the mother of so and so. And this will bring you true happiness and value.” I doubt it. I know a lot of stressed out women trying to be men or in the minimum trying to be like them and playing their role in the grand scheme of life. Even mothers are stressed out today because we don’t give them their proper value. We need to return to the values of the Bible and quit listening to what the world tells us once and for all. There is nothing shameful in being a mother or a wife. It is a place of privilege and honor, a place where the praises will come later on when you children are walking with the Lord and one day rise up and call you blessed.

Pr 31:25-29; She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."

To try and convince a world that hates God of the need for His values to be restored and put into practice might be difficult, if not impossible. But at least we can bring them back to the church. It starts right here with us, we need to stop seeing women as simply objects and see that they are more than just a pretty face. Husbands need to stop where they are and see the good in their wives, their character, godly characteristics. Sadly many wives don’t see themselves as anything more than a maid by day and a concubine by night, more than likely because that is how they have been treated. God created the feminine sex to be so much more than just a baby factory and a servant. He made her to partner with man, to walk with him and to give her life for her family. And only there will a woman find total satisfaction in this life.

Young girls, you are so much more than just a pretty face. You are someone loved by Jesus and you have a purpose here on this earth beyond being a special effect. And guys, if you hope to have good marriages and a happy home, learn to look beyond the wrapping paper of the woman. Learn to see her for who she truly is and let her know that she has value beyond her face and body. Together we can restore the institution of the family that the world has practically. We all have our roles in this production called life. We just need to discover what ours is and fulfill it.

Proverbs 31:30-31; Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

God bless you!

Jeff